Question: Proverbs 22:6. I recently had a heavy conversation with some folks whose children are no longer/not currently living life in surrender to God. Apart from the idea of “were they really trained up in the way they should go”, how do we understand this verse, it’s context, and the reality of “prodigals” or (adult) children who do not stay with God?
Answer: Good question. The Bible does like to speak in ultimatums and extremes sometimes. For example, James 5:14-15 says, “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up.” Yet most of us have prayed for many people to be healed and it hasn’t happened. Indeed, we all have to die at some point, even if just from old age, so we know this extreme verse can’t always be true.
But despite the extremism, is the theology bad? I don’t think so. Sometimes good teaching embellishes to make a point. Jesus did it, telling us that it’s better to chop our hands off or gouge out our eyeballs than sin our way into Hell. This is certainly a true point, but Jesus does not advocate for bodily mutilation. Jesus embellished to make a point and that causes it to stick with us and for us to take its meaning seriously.
That being said, not every child raised toward Christ will choose Christ, for that violates free will. But if we do our best to raise kids toward Christ, there’s a better chance they’ll choose him. Indeed, it’s wise and responsible as Christians to train kids up in the way they should go—so wise and responsible that it’s worth speaking in an ultimatum. The passage would carry less weight if it said something like, “Train up a child in the way they should go and they’ll probably keep going that way when they’re an adult.”
Proverbs are a part of wisdom literature, so sometimes they combat each other, too. What’s wisdom in one situation is not wisdom in another. As Bible scholar Peter Enns points out, “Proverbs is diverse… It gives not a single point of view, but two extremes—and everything in between—suited for countless situations.” Enns addresses your verse and other proverbs like it in chapter 2 of his book, “How the Bible Actually Works.” That section may be worth giving a read for free on Hoopla 
Embellishing to make a point is sometimes good preaching. It intentionally makes you stop and think. The problem is when people can’t discern embellishment. For example, during the pandemic a bunch of people started quoting some Psalm that seemed to say if you had faith you wouldn’t get sick. Yet we know it’s ridiculous to believe that the millions who died from covid simply didn’t have faith. Covid was not discerning: It took the lives of saints and sinners alike. Likewise, if we pray for someone to be healed and they’re not, it’s wrong for us to tell them it’s their fault for not having enough faith.
And likewise, parents should not feel that it’s their fault when their kids don’t choose Christ. As parents, it is possible we might play a small part in why our kids walked away—but also, we may not have played a part at all. Ultimately, it’s not us that our kids need to have faith in or are saved by—it’s Jesus. And I say the same thing whenever someone leaves the church because they’re upset that another Christian has represented Christ poorly. If our faith is dependent on Jesus, then our Christianity will survive those moments. If it is dependent on someone else, then we will falter when they do, because we’ve built our faith around an idol.
Hope that helps a bit
Jamin Bradley 
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