Jamin Bradley

“We’ve decided to have a prayer tunnel, and everyone is welcome to come up on stage and walk through it,” the woman announced. I excitedly and fearfully got in line with hundreds of others as I was very hungry for a deeper experience of the Holy Spirit.

As I entered the prayer tunnel, everyone around me seemed to hit the ground. The staff picked people up by the arms and legs and carried them off stage, laying them next to others who had also fallen over. But me? I managed to walk all the way to the end of the tunnel of prayer team members without feeling much of anything.

I would like to say I was zealous for God in moments like this, but the truth is that I was jealous for God. While my friends were lying on the ground and encountering the Holy Spirit, I was the dud who made it through the prayer tunnel. Why not me? I wondered. Why does everyone around me hear you so clearly, but I don’t? They have visions, feel impressions, heal the sick, and prophesy. But me? I want all those things and more, and yet I feel like I have so little.

God would have to help me overcome my jealousy if I was to move forward. As a Christian, there was a spiritual gift for me—I was not so special that I wouldn’t get one. Indeed, I already had some—not to mention that Paul taught as though we might get more spiritual gifts over time if we remained hungry and faithful.

Jacob was jealous of Esau and tried to steal God’s blessings from him. At first glance, we might say it worked because Jacob ended up being the chosen one. But then again, God prophesied that his blessing would be on Jacob before they were even born. So did Jacob really steal anything? After all Esau seemed to do pretty well for himself in the end.

Our jealousy of others will get us nowhere with God. May we find solace in the fact that we are all gifted differently. And may we take joy in our hope to discover the deeper intimacies, gifts, and tests of God as we continue to be zealous for him.